


but you say you'll defeat him next time

by nahiko



Series: Haikyuu!! au week [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: (and oikawa knows this won't get them anywhere), (but in my head ushijima is trying), Angst, Canon Related, Gen, M/M, Pre-Canon, and confusion, from oikawa's part, hqau week, pretty much canon compliant I guess, the oikawa/ushijima is basically unresolved tension between the two of them, you can read this as friendship and rivalry and no romance at all if you want
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-06
Updated: 2015-04-06
Packaged: 2018-03-21 14:00:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3694997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nahiko/pseuds/nahiko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Come to Shiratorizawa", Ushijima says.<br/>And Oikawa thinks.<br/>(not considers, but <i>thinks</i>)</p>
            </blockquote>





	but you say you'll defeat him next time

**Author's Note:**

> Coffee shop AU that's not an actual coffee shop AU, I think ~~but I tried~~  
>  Written for the first day of the [Haikyuu!! au week](http://haikyuuauweek.tumblr.com/)  
> (also posted on my [tumblr](http://n-eutronstarcollision.tumblr.com/post/115685634122/but-you-say-youll-defeat-him-next-time))
> 
> If you find any mistakes, or if you think I should tag something, please, let me know!  
> More than that, I just hope you enjoy :)

but you say you’ll defeat him next time

it’s just that —

next time never comes

and you’re left wondering, thinking, dreaming about

what it was and

what it could’ve been

(you know what you want and what you want isn’t him)

(but he makes your blood boil and he makes you angry and he lights you up)

(it’s just that there’s not a “but” in this story, only “what if”’s)

 

Oikawa’s eyes wander through the coffee shop, his chin resting over his hand for so long his arm feels numb. His other hand rests on the table, his fingers tapping rhythmically to the beat of some random song which he can’t remember the lyrics.

The ambient is calm. Warm. Comfortable. The smell of coffee, though, bothers him — maybe for no reason at all; Oikawa just doesn’t like it.

Outside there’s a beautiful, rainy day, gray and big clouds covering up the blue skies. Most of people probably would’ve considered it a gloomy day instead of beautiful, but Oikawa wasn’t most of people — he could find beauty in the singlest of things, like waterdrops falling like tears from the firmaments, the smell and the sound of the rain making him relax, surrounding him, engulfing him, like a long forgotten lullaby.

Oikawa averts his gaze from the window.

In front of him, Ushijima Wakatoshi drinks his coffee quietly, flavouring it, absorbing its taste in a way no one but older people — and coffee connoisseurs, this is — do. His eyes are glued to Oikawa’s face and they’re honest, open, almost _vulnerable_ , if this could be a word used to describe anything about him.

The thing is: _Ushijima isn’t vulnerable_ , at any angle you might want to look, and Oikawa knows this feeling — of control, of pride — can’t be real; it’s something born out of the familiarity, out of thinking he knows, could possibly know, what’s going through the other’s mind.

Ushijima is high, higher than he could possibly reach alone, standing above him and above all, an emperor with a tearing gaze and mouth crunched in a thin line — except that he’s not; he’s near, at the reach of Oikawa’s fingers, more human and touchable and _truthful_ than anyone could’ve ever expected.

Oikawa’s lower lip suffers yet another thoughtful bite, and he refuses to stare at his — rival? Enemy? Kind of, but not really, a friend?

He doesn’t know when they started doing it. Hanging out together, this is. Somewhere between the end of Junior School and the beginning of High School, maybe, but the days seem blurred and unimportant to him. Now these caramel coloured walls and black wood from the coffee shop keep something that could be considered a secret: the afternoons he spent thoughtfully staring at the window while Ushijima didn’t even tried to pretend he wasn’t looking at him; the quiet moments shared between glances and sips of bitter coffee.

If anyone had said, back at the start of their rivalry, they would be going to — well, not friendly, but not exactly mean, either — meetings outside volleyball related things, Oikawa would’ve laughed at their faces and told them they were going crazy. Yet, here he is: Ushijima calmly drinking coffee, while Oikawa’s own drink is already cold, and Ushijima’s words weight more on his mind than he would ever admit.

“Come to Shiratorizawa”.

It’s not as tempting as it seems. Sure, Shiratorizawa is strong — stronger than any team Oikawa has ever played against —, and they have good players. But there’s something about the possibility of it, of simply letting go all of his promises of beating Ushijima, of going to Nationals with Iwa-chan — it’s disheartening. Oikawa feels as if it’s a choice between his pride and whatever is that could be expecting him at Shiratorizawa’s team, and he doesn’t want to be stripped bare just for the sake of a guy he’s never talked with.

Besides, it’s not like he can just decide to leave Iwa-chan. He can never leave Iwa-chan — not like this, not for this, not after all they’ve been through, after all they’ve said and done. It’s not even fair to compare both of them, but if it was a contest, he wouldn’t waste a second considering. Iwa-chan always wins, whoever may be the person Oikawa’s comparing him to — they fight and discuss and he jokes around, but if there’s anyone Oikawa would risk anything, do anything for, this person is Iwaizumi Hajime.

Maybe if they’d met any other way, at any other time — maybe if him and Iwa-chan had first chosen Shiratorizawa and Ushijima was a friend instead of a boy they want to defeat… But that’s not their lives, and no matter how much Oikawa thinks about the possibilities, it won’t change the past.

Nothing will. Wanting it or not, Ushijima is the one he and Iwa-chan swore to beat — he is the unreachable, invincible, the boy Oikawa wants so desperately to… To what? Prove wrong? Make him look like a normal kid in the court? There are a lot of things he could want desperately, but none of them seem right.

Oikawa sighs.

When did things get so complicated?

(complicated, not confusing — there’s nothing confusing about this situation, because Oikawa knows what he wants, he always knows what he wants, and there’s no use lying to himself when it’ll only make things harder than they should ever be)

He forces himself to look at the other boy, his stomach in knots, and doesn’t dare trying to look sorrowful — there’s nothing worse than feeling pitied — as he shakes his head and stands up.

It’s not the first time Ushijima asks, and it’s not the first time they’ve come to this cafe, and it’s not the first time Oikawa thinks about it, but it’s the first time he feels rather — sad? Is he sad? — that he won’t accept, because maybe it’s just him hallucinating, but Ushijima looks almost hopeful — almost wishful — and, truly? Oikawa’s never going to Shiratorizawa. Ever.

“No.”

“Oikawa–”

“I have to go. Thank you for the coffee, Ushiwaka-chan”.

He heads off the cafe. He knows for sure this won’t be the last time he will hear this words — Ushijima is a stubborn guy —, but it’s the last time this kind of thing will happen.

No more meetings at the coffee shop. No more thinking about something he’ll never choose. No more daydreaming about what could’ve been, because Oikawa is tired of dreaming.

 _Next time_ , he promises himself. _Next time I will surely beat you_.

The rest he can figure out later.

 

 


End file.
